Things I don't HATE about New York

While I getting an amazing 55-dollar massage yesterday I started thinking, between drooling on the floor, about the things that I don't hate about New York City.

I want to document them in a blog so anyone out there who, like me, does not think that New York is heaven on Earth, can find comfort in knowing that there are a few things that are pretty neat about living in this stinky, filthy, overpriced armpit.

For one. Massages. They are CHEAP here. Really cheap. Well, at least the place I go. I went to one place that charge 100 bucks an hour and the guy was so bad (but SO thought he wasn't) he spent 20 minutes rubbing my armpit while chanting and breathing "with the music".

My new Mecca is simple. No frills. No essential oils or bathrobes. You walk in, get naked and lie down. Then this little Chinese woman comes in and crawls all over you. They get every nook and cranny. I hate massages that aren't thorough. If you rub my left pinky toe you better goddamn well rub my right pinky toe. THEY DO. Plus, I like my massages hard and rough. The good people at Aisa-Tui Na (http://www.asiatuinawholeness.com/) will literally make you break a sweat they rub you so hard. They use their fingers, their arms and their elbows too. You really haven't lived until you've had a really pointy elbow rub your butt cheek. There is a lot of tension down there.

And the piece de la resistance.. at the end of the hour.. after the rub down, after the wonderful hot towels they wipe the oil off with, when you think it cant get any better.. they scratch your head. (Cue Angels Singing)

And no, "scratching heads" isn't some euphamisn for "jerking off." It isn't that kind of place. You need to go to Chinatown for that action.

No one scratches a head better than these girls. Oh, boyfriends may TRY to scratch your head when you BEG them, and they may do it dutifully for like, 30 seconds.. then whatever is on TV start to pull their attention away and you are left itching for more.

So go there. Ask for Susan or Lisa. They are really GOOD. Plus. This place has amazing acupuncture as well. For 60 BUCKS!!! They do cupping too. (Yes, like Gwyneth).

I have had a lot of shitty massages in my day that left me more stressed out than I already was. I am picky and critical and very judgmental... so for me to Rave about this place means you really must try it. Even if it is in New York City.

So Go: http://www.asiatuinawholeness.com/

(No I don't work there. I am a husky Norwegian who looks nothing like Lucy Lui)