What the Blog?

If any of you saw Juno, you know that my post title is a direct quote from that totally overrated movie. It was a cute flick, yes, but no way is it worthy of like, seven Oscar nominations. Which brings me to my blog of the day.

Movies.

They all SUCKED this year. Especially the ones nominated for Oscars. Movie critics MUST be getting paid off by the studios to promote these giant turds. Any critic that went and saw Juno and said it is an "important piece of work" or an "oracle for freedom of choice" must have missed the part where Juno was talking on the Hamburger phone.

Critics blow. They have a hard job because movies do to. SO I am going give you MY quick and dirty reviews of this years FINEST FILMS. (warning, their may be spoilers)

THERE WILL BE BLOOD - Just. Plain. Awful. Daniel Day Lewis sounds like Captain Picard. He is a prick who loves money and beats a Minister to death with a bowling pin at the end. And the soundtrack consists of a symphony of wailing sirens that only get louder and the movie gets worse. I would have rather watched Punch Drunk Love TWICE instead of this POS. (If you don't know, Paul Thomas Anderson wrote and directed the monumental mountain of shit, Punch Drunk Love, too.)

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN - Creepy foreigner with a air gun kills random people very quietly. Josh Brolin dies. Woody Harrelson Dies. Javier Bardem has a bad haircut. AND THEY KILL A DOG. This movie is so pointless, gratuitously bloody and mean, I can't believe the same fellas wrote Raising Arizona.

I'M NOTE THERE - If you didn't like Bob Dylan before going into this movie, you certainly will hate him when you leave. Non-sensical, rambling disconnected scenes with NO REAL DYLAN MUSIC BEING PLAYED. Cat Blanchett, however, looks really good as a dude. But that doesn't make up for it.

SWEENEY TODD - Very dark and depressing. Cartoon-like bloodbath of a movie with singing and dancing. Not a terrible film, just a terrible subject. Oh yeah- THEY ALL DIE IN THE END.

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY - Very sad movie. True Story. He Dies.

INTO THE WILD - Very sad movie. True Story. He Dies.

AMERICAN GANGSTER - Very Long movie. True Story. He kills people and goes to prison.

In all fairness, I did not see Atonement, but my friend Mandy said that there is line that goes: COME BACK TO ME LOVER. Gross. I bet they all die too.

JUNO, like I said, was a cute movie. Not Oscar worthy, but cute. Michael Cera is probably the most talented actor out there. And I love Jason Bateman.

Now I will list the movies that didn't make any Oscars Buzz, but that were just plain entertaining and worth every penny.

ENCHANTED - Just darling. Good songs. Very Girlie. Men Beware.

STARDUST - Just darling. Good songs. Very Girlie. (especially a flamboyantly gay Robert DeNiro) Men Beware.

SICKO - Very eye opening. Highly disturbing. Anyone who watches this movie and still thinks America is the greatest country on the planet has NOT been to France or Canada. Or the dentist.

CLOVERFIELD - Total popcorn flick. Very cool cinematography. A quick 84 minutes. It's fun see New York City get mauled by a monster. They all die.

I AM LEGEND - I didn't want to see this movie because THE DOG DIES, but they filmed it on the street I live and I watched them turn NYC into a ghost town, so I had to see it. It was pretty good for a monster- ish flick. They all die. (But I am assuming you knew that)

National Treasure: Book of Secrets - I only thought this was a good movie because I drank two margaritas before watching it. I think they make it out alive.

If I can think of more, I will. But enlighten me with YOUR OSCAR PICS of the year and maybe, just maybe, we can all make a difference.